something for couples

Statistics and Insights on Low-Sex and No-Sex Marriages

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  20 to 30 percent of men and 30 to 50 percent of women say they have little or no sex drive. — USA Today
  
  
  
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  25 percent of all Americans (a third of women and a fifth of men) suffer from a condition known as hypoactive sexual desire (HSD), which is defined as a persistent or recurring deficiency or absence of sexual fantasies or thoughts, or a lack of interest in sex or being sexual. — Psychology Today
  
  
  

If you are experiencing intimacy or sex challenges in your relationship, try to identify the causes in order to understand yourself, your partner, and your relationship.

Keep in mind these factors that could be impacting either of you:

• Biological changes
• Depression
• Children
• Lack of energy, fatigue
• Sleep deprivation
• Lack of respect or trust
• Jealousy, resentment
• Loss of self-esteem

If your sexual relationship is not living up to your desire, try being direct in asking for what you want. Start by looking within to identify your needs, then communicate your needs to your partner. When doing so, be specific.

Relationships are about love and companionship, and also about negotiation and compromise. The nature of relationships are ever-evolving and all aspects of a relationship need to be nurtured and agreements/resolutions need to be revisited. Carve out time and negotiate a plan that works for both of you. If you agreed to a plan and it's no longer working for you, sit down together and negotiate a new plan.
Partners rarely have the same level of sex drive at the same time. By being honest about your needs, you can negotiate for some middle ground that you can both be happy with.
Be mindful not to use sex for the wrong reasons or to load it up with too much meaning. It shouldn't be a way to validate your partner, or to get validation for yourself. It should be an extension of the caring, feeling and respect you have for the other person. We all need love, compassion and caring - and then sex can be a reflection of that - but be careful not to tangle up your emotional needs with your sexual needs.

The choices you make have consequences. For example, if you choose to work, go to school and have a family, you may have very little left to invest in a sexual relationship. Change your behavior and decisions if you want different consequences. Try delegating responsibility if you're too exhausted or over-worked for sex. Try scheduling sex: many resist this idea because they think they need spontaneity, but you'd be surprised at how well it works and how you can still create that desired spark in the moment.
You have the ability to create whatever sex life you desire. Start now and enjoy!

compiled in part from PETESKI PRODS, INC. COPYRIGHT ® 2006